It’s Sunday, I’m at home watching Arrested Development with a slice of Pizza in my hand. It would be our monthly-versary, but I have forgotten about it and, at the moment, I’m transfixed by the computer screen. Someone knocks at my door.
I assume it’s Georgia. I lazily sit up, without even stopping the show, and open the door to find a guy in a blue jacket, pajamas and slippers.
It takes me a second to realize that there’s only one person who could wear a jacket over his pajamas in the middle of the night, in winter.
Your hands are braced close to you, your eyes look at everything around you but me. It is clear that you don’t really know what to do. I, still both feet inside my room, just stare at you, unable to let you in or keep you out.
Can I come in? You ask. I don’t answer, and simply slip into your arms in silence. You are surprised by my smell. So familiar, even though you thought you had forgotten it. Your body tenses. You want to run away now. You shouldn’t have come. Suddenly, you are not sure what you want anymore.
I feel your distress. I release you from the hug and tell you that you can leave, if you want.
No, I want to stay. You reply. And, as you say it, you realize that it is true.
I smile, take your hand and guide you into my room. It surprises you how familiar everything is. One second, and all of the memories you thought were gone are back. There you were, dancing to Rock Your Body and singing in falsetto. There you were, making love in the shower, eating eggs on the floor, studying on the couch while eating pasta with tomato sauce. There you were, watching Fight Club with a glass of wine… and your girl by your side.
You look at me, really look at me, for the first time in more than a month. My face is a little thinner, my eyes are a little more tired, my smile is a little more tense… but my eyes, they haven’t changed. The same expression. The same feelings. The same soul behind them.
You panic. There are so many problems… so many things that scare you.. so many thoughts that hurt you.. so many fears…so many insurmountable obstacles.
We look at each other, both afraid to speak, to say the wrong thing, to ruin the moment. Then you go to my computer, stop Arrested Development, put on a song.
We sit on the floor, our knees touching. We let the song end until the world around us becomes quiet again. I sigh. You put your hand around my shoulder. I lean into it, surprised at how easy it was to trust you again. You close your eyes, amazed that the voices in your head have finally stopped tormenting you.
And, together, we enjoy the silence.